I have a real tendency to say, “I did this, so you have to do that” or “You had your turn, so I get my turn.” I remind myself, “No calculation,” when I find myself starting to start to bargain or trade or keep score. – Gretchen Ruben
The second I read Gretchen’s resolution to not keep score, I immediately thought of the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Marshall and Lily give the same advice to Robin and her boyfriend during a weekend getaway. Throughout the episode, the viewer begins to realize that although ‘not keeping score’ is Marshall and Lilly’s #1 ingredient to a happy marriage, they tend to keep score as much as (if not MORE than) the next person! At one point during the show they even turn to the ‘score board’ above their bed to see who had to take care of the baby next. This made me realize that even though couples don’t physically keep score in their relationship, we do tend to keep a mental score of when and how often we do things. I’ve found myself saying to Tyler “babe, I’ve done the dishes the past few times so obviously it’s your turn.” Well – it’s not obviously his turn. Instead it’s time to decide who’s got more on their plate at the moment and who actually has the time to wash the dishes. By thinking logically about the task at hand, we can manage to avoid the score board and go about our relationship in an orderly, non-calculated manor.
Chao,
💜 Adrien
Classic Adrien 