I just spent 5 minutes staring at a blank “Add New Post” screen. Mind racing. There are so many unanswered questions, so many corners to turn, so many options to consider. Let me just tell you – This week my life took a 360.
I’ve always been a goodie-two-shoes, wanting to please everyone I meet, and way too polite to even understand sarcasm. I earned straight A’s in High School, went onto to college and was always on the Dean’s List, graduated with honors, and even had a full-time, salaried job with an accredited company and benefits before donning my cap & gown. I joined every club & honor society I could (even if they were just resume boosters) and made an effort to sit on the board so that my opinion could be heard. I volunteered nearly every week, studied at least 4 hours a day, and called home more often than most.
I’ve always played it safe. Although it was my dream to attend college out of state I stayed here where the family & friends & dollars were. Why would I gamble with having to find new friends and take out loans when everything was laid out nicely for me right here in Wisconsin? During college it was my dream to move out of state post-graduation. But, why should I uproot my fiance from a job he loves and a family he cherishes? It’s my goal to go back to school to become a counselor – I would love to counsel women and men with addictions. Yet, how could I afford to spend money (that I don’t have) on a Master’s Degree that’s not promised to pay off in the end?
I’ve always been a dreamer, but in the end I’ve always played it safe. Why? I don’t have an answer to this question.
The fact that I couldn’t answer my question assured me that I’m bigger than the life I’ve forced myself to live. All I think about is work & money – This is how I’ve been trained – But when did my happiness drop off my list of priorities? What happens if 5, 10, 50 years from now I look out (((at my large house, designer clothes, and first-rate electronics))) & then back at a life full of unfulfilled dreams & moments missed with family and friends? What happens then? Gosh – do you think it would be too late to change? Definitely a possibility.
I don’t understand why people just stand by and watch their whole life pass them by! Are you unhappy with your partner, at work, with the pet you purchased, your major, the city you’re living in? THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
This week I stood up for myself and my future. I quit my job.
‘How could you do this?!’
Was it worth it to cry everyday at my desk and count the minutes until freedom? To breathe recycled air for 10 hours a day then return home so exhausted that all I want to do is veg and sleep? To get an aching pit in my stomach every Sunday night because I know I have to return to work the next day? To slap on a smile when all I want to do is break free and live the life I want to live? The answer is no, it’s not worth it.
I brought peace to the fact that: 1) I will be back on my parent’s insurance by the end of the month, 2) I won’t have a nice comfortable salary to rely on when I want to buy an extra pair of shoes or drink another martini, 3) I won’t be working for an accredited company with Popcorn Mondays and an in-house workout facility.
But, do you know what – I’m going to be so damn HAPPY!
I can’t wait to wake up every morning knowing that what I’m doing is changing lives and helping those suffering, smile when I tell others that I’m fulfilling my dreams and living a life I’m proud of, and start taking charge of my life the way it’s supposed to be! Being a volunteer intern for Reach Counseling as an advocate for sexually abused men and women while studying for the GRE to get my Masters of Counseling degree is going to be full of long days & long nights, but it’s getting me to where I want to be and nothing could make me happier. The volunteer hours will solidify my desire for counseling, and if I’m not pleased? Back to the drawing board.
Today don’t play it safe. Live your life to the fullest & enjoy it. Because it’s happening.